Lying In Courtship And The Prevalence Of Broken Marriages Among Couples In Eleme Local Government Area

Project and Seminar Material for Guidance and Counselling

Abstract

Marriage is an institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family. Marriage by universal definition is the legal relationship between a husband and wife. It is a union between a man and a woman, at least so we thought until recently (Wikipedia, 2009).Many marriages collapses like a wall immediately after the marriage has been arranged, this because most of the newly married couples seem not to be satisfied with the marriages that do not last more than five years. They break up because they seem not to be satisfied as at marriage time. The early years of marriage are critical period for couples because the early years may be volatile and some relationship dissolve and because the early years may get the stage for future distress or healthy people functioning. broken marriage is the final termination of a marriage, cancelling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between two persons. A marriage must have legally been in existence before a broken marriage and consequential issues can arise. It is one of the most serious social problems in the modern world. It has become very common recently, and it affects all levels of society.

Table of Content

Title Page
Certification
Dedication
Acknowledgement
Table of Content
List of Tables
Abstract

Chapter One:

Introduction

1.1 Background of the Study
1.2 Statement of the Problem
1.3 Objective of the Study
1.4 Research Questions
1.5 Research Hypothesis
1.6 Significance of the Study
1.7 Scope of the Study
1.8 Limitation of the Study
1.9 Definition of Terms
1.10 Organisations of the Study

Chapter Two:

Review of Literature

2.1 Conceptual Framework
2.2 Theoretical Framework
2.3 Empirical Review

Chapter Three:

Research Methodology

3.1 Research Design
3.2 Population of the Study
3.3 Sample Size Determination
3.4 Sample Size Selection Technique and Procedure
3.5 Research Instrument and Administration
3.6 Method of Data Collection
3.7 Method of Data Analysis
3.8 Validity of the Study
3.9 Reliability of the Study
3.10 Ethical Consideration

Chapter Four:

Data Presentation and Analysis

4.1 Data Presentation
4.2 Analysis of Data
4.3 Answering Research Questions
4.4 Test of Hypotheses
4.5 Interpretation of Result

Chapter Five:

Conclusion and Recommendation

APPENDIX
QUESTIONNAIRE

Chapter One

Introduction

1.1 Background to the study

Marriage is an institution in which inter-personal relationships, usually intimate and sexual relationships are acknowledged in a variety of ways depending on the culture or subculture in which it is founded (Markman, 2001)
Marriage as a sacred institution has its roots in the tradition of people, and it is such that two people in relationship have the opportunity of knowing themselves, and this is referred to as courtship. Courtship is the period in a couples relationship which precede their engagement and marriage or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind (Ogunsola, 2004). During courtship, intending couples get to know each other and decodes if there will be and engagement and marriage.

Courtship in some traditional societies is a highly structured activity with very specific formal rules. In some societies, the parents or community propose potential partners, and then allow limited dating to determine whether the parties are suited (Ifokobong Ibanga, 2013). The parents are often seen as part of courtship practice as their consent and approval are commonly needed before the beginning of the relationship (Ofoegbu 2002). Also, in some societies, the services of intermediaries are required especially to investigate the background of intending marriage partners even before courtship. For instance, among the Igbo ethnic group in Nigeria, the groom to be is not allowed to approach the bride, rather the relevant proposal is done by an intermediary. With the success of the proposal during courtship the bride to be is expected to live with the groom’s family, where she would be put through a series of tests by her mother-in-law pertaining to ability to complete many household tasks. If she passed, then she will be presented with a gift of kolanuts and palm wine for her family (Peterland, 1999).

Similarly, courtship among Yoruba ethnic group is traditionally initiated through an intermediary. The intermediary tries to gather information that will assist the elders of the suitor’s family in deciding whether the spouse would be a good companion for their son and a good resource in the extended family. Once approval has been given the suitor is then allowed to visit the home of the prospective spouse in order for the spouse to get to know themselves very well before marriage begins (Awolaja, 2009).

But there are certain natural and artificial instances that occur and bring about marital instabilities in marriage activities whose end results are broken marriage. Broken marriage is mainly caused by political, economic, social and religious factors. Abdullati (2002) is of the opinion that conflict between couples is inevitable especially when they come from different societal setting. Spouses can no longer live in harmony and have lost mutual regard for each other; for obvious reasons, husbands search for slight fault from their wives to seek for a broken marriage. Musa {2008} highlighted that broken marriage is a dissolution of a marriage contract which may be effected either by the act of the husband or by demand from the wife or by mutual agreement or by operation of the law. Lemu {2005} explains that dissolution of marriage brings about the disintegration of the family unity. Yahaya {2008} is of the opinion that broken marriage leads to broken homes, children in these homes suffer from lack of parental care and love, poor socialization, which in the end leads to delinquency, to criminal acts and to the spread of other social ills in the society. Couples begin to dislike the values of marriage in totality. The end result of broken marriage is that couples begin to roam about and take time before getting married again. To a certain extent, women go into prostitution. According to Anderson (2000), the rampant broken marriage the society is experiencing is breeding a lot of sexual ills or practices, immoralities and disrespect. However, poverty and ignorance are another grand factors influencing broken marriage in many of the Hausa societies. People marry without having the full knowledge of marriage and the functions of marriage. Responsibilities of husbands to their wives and the responsibilities of wives and their husbands are not fully understood and observed by married couples. According to Lemu (200O) women, for one reason or the other, develop high taste of life in marriage. It is the consequences of these factors that the main body of this survey revolves around.

1.2 Statement of the Problem

From the data gathered in the area, broken marriage rate is increasing arithmetically especially during harvesting seasons. This is why broken marriage is becoming increasingly problematic and noticeable as a result of the gross negativity of its effects on the society. The perceived causes of broken marriage are classified into religious, social, economic and political factors. From the religious factor, is observed that many couples are not committed to their religious practices. They are ignorant to their obligatory responsibilities as husbands and wives. They respect culture at the expense of their religious practices. Those that are having the knowledge are not putting the knowledge in their marriage activities. Radda [2001] and Musa [2008] shade more light as they said in their findings that ignorance, parents inability to train their children and cultural predomination are the major religious factor causing broken marriage in most of the Hausa societies.

From the social factor, people have the opinion that communication gap, early marriage and with little or no experience of withstanding marital challenges, lack of love, care, lack of motivation, frequent travelling by husbands with little or no time to the wives, excessive smoking and drinking of alcohol are vibrant instruments that cause broken marriage. [R. I. Okorodudu and C. N. Okorodudu 2004] observation is in line above assertion as their finding reveals that communication gap is a common problem in almost all marriages in Nigeria. Modo [1996] so also in his research work explained that the common feature among the Muslim house wives is that they all married before the age of 19. These innocent wives have no option than to see their husbands as fathers and would not express themselves freely.

Economic is another factor that causes broken marriage Hausa communities. It is observed that, poverty, house mismanagement and selling of food stuff by wives cause broken marriage. Lack of sufficient supply of food stuff in the house, lack of welfare packages to the wives by the husbands, and inability for the husbands to take care for the training of their wives make broken marriage easily.

Musa [2008] added that the husbands, that cannot satisfy the financial needs of their wives, certainly stand to face problems from them.

In the political factor, it is observed that many couples do not know what administration not to talk of administrating others. They allow external interferences to run the activities of their houses. They cannot render justice in the administration of their children. They cannot make adjustments of life to themselves; they lack mutual commitment and trust. Yahaya [2008] supported this opinion as he observed in his finding that cruelty, battering, bullying, too much commitment to job at the expense of marital relationship instigate broken marriage.
Broken marriage when it is made, it uses to have serious religious, social, economic and political consequences on the couples, family themselves and the society at large. From the religious point of view, it is observed that when broken marriage is made, in most of the time, enmity is created between the couples. Children of broken marriaged couples suffer from poor upbringing, lack proper guidance and moral training. Modo [1996] went on to say wives may result to locking things in the mind. However, parents are shying away from their obligatory responsibilities of training their children morally; they engage themselves in training the children on how and where to get money.
From the social point of view, broken marriage has serious effects on the couples, the children and the family. It is clearly seen that after broken marriage, women are subjected to traumatic conditions such as forceful ejection from matrimonial homes, loss of dignity as wives and loss of responsibilities. Modo [1996] went further and shed light that when couples are not in speak able terms, this may result in tension and severance of relationships.

Husbands use communication breakdown as a weapon for punishing their wives most especially in Nigerian situation where men are not restricted to their marriage vow. Musa [2008] too, has examined that if divorcees become immoral and children get poor socialization chain of social problems such as prostitution, drug abuse, thuggery, school dropout, pre marital sex, which may lead to H I V|A I D S and unwanted pregnancies etc will be trigged and ultimately spread across the society affecting all members.

Means of survival is vital in life. Absence of it causes havoc especially in marriages as it accelerates broken marriage. This is why the victims of this circumstances search for the means of survival such as prostitution, hawking, house help work, selling of food in commercial areas and finally become political sags. Children from broken marriage family may be engaging themselves into licentious activities instead of economic activities. Musa [2008] further intensified this view points as he explained that the end result of broken marriage is woman lose her source of financial satisfaction. If she is not working, and poor, she may scum to other means of alleviating her suffering.
From the political effects of broken marriage, it is seen that broken marriage women experienced separation with children, house ejection, loss matrimonial administration and children experienced parental neglect. Radda and Zango [2001] went further to say that members of the community are not treating from women broken marriage properly. Children of broken marriage women are not often treated properly by their step mothers. Sometimes they are denied food, proper hygiene and emotional attention. As a result, children take the form of unusual behavours like delinquent acts, begging and other forms of destitution. Thus, this study investigated Lying In Courtship And The Prevalence Of Broken Marriages Among Couples In Eleme Local Government Area.

1.3 Objectives of the Study

The main objective of this study is to examine lying in courtship and the prevalence of broken marriages among couples in Eleme local government area.

Specifically this study aims:

To examine lying in courtship as perceived causes of broken marriage in Eleme local government area.
To evaluate the effects of broken marriage in Eleme local government area.
To examine if there is a difference between the opinion of male and female students on perceived causes of broken marriage in Eleme local government area.
To examine if there is difference between the opinion of male and female students on the effects of broken marriage in Eleme local government area.
To determine strategies for effective control of broken marriage in Eleme local government area.

1.5 Research Question

Is lying in courtship a perceived cause of broken marriage in Eleme local government area ?
What is the effects of broken marriage in Eleme local government area ?
What is the difference between the opinion of male and female respondent on perceived causes of broken marriage in Eleme local government area.
What is difference between the opinion of male and female couple on the effects of broken marriage in Eleme local government area ?
What are strategies for effective control of broken marriage in Eleme local government area ?

1.5 Hypotheses of the Study

H1: There is no significant difference between the opinion of male and female respondent on perceived causes of broken marriage in Eleme local government area.
H2: There is no significant difference between the opinion of male and female respondent on the effects of broken marriage in Eleme local government area.

1.6 Significance of the Study

Nigeria is composed of multi-ethnic and religious groups, as many research works indicated broken marriage is higher in urban than rural, and also its rate become increasing through time. This social ill should be getting a reliable solution, for this reason the researcher believes on research works which is providing relevant information for policy makers, individuals and other researchers. This helps them for taking appropriate measures to minimize the prevalence of broken marriage, while enables to maximize children’s wellbeing.

1.7 Scope of the Study

The scope of this study is limited to present major causes of broken marriage and its negative effects on newly married couples, with a specific focus on children’s wellbeing in Eleme local government area.

1.8 Limitation of the Study

Like any other studies, to investigate the causes of broken marriage and its effects on newly married couples so there need to generate data on the basis of broken marriagee family. There were a number of limitations and hence, this study has faced the following major limitations. First, it was difficult to get the targeted population within the research sites. Thus each broken marriage case was not recorded , where it is expected to be filed. Even it was not possible to find the data that shows the number of broken marriage at court level.

It was extremely difficult to get the targeted total population to use actual sample size from that population within the targeted sites. That was taken time and difficult to take proportional sample size from targeted population. Secondly, custodial parents were not happy and difficult to get their consent to interview their children; even they did not want to be interviewed as the issue is sensitive to them. That was time taken and difficult to get proportional sample of target population.

1.9 Definition of Terms

Cohabitation:

This can be defined as a sexual relationship whereby two unmarried people (man and woman) live together in order to test their compatibility.

Courtship:

This is a period whereby potential or intending couples tends to know each other and plan for their future and marriage.

Marriage:

Marriage is the coming together of a man and woman to become husband and wife legally.

1.10 Organizations of the Study

The chapter one consist of the introductory part of the study which includes the study background, the statement of the research problem, the study objective and scope of the study.

The second chapter is a critical review of other literatures relevant to the study and its objectives including the theoretical framework for the study. While the third chapter is methods of data collection, sampling and data analysis used in conducting the study. The fourth chapter centres around the research findings including an analysis of how it relates to previous findings. The fifth chapter consists of the summary of findings, conclusion and recommendations base on the study objectives.

Chapter Five

Conclusion and Recommendations

In this study, attempts have been made to underscore the various factors that are responsible for broken marriage or marital separation in the Nigerian context. The effects of broken marriage and strategies for effective control of broken marriage were also examined. The study revealed, through its perceived findings, that broken marriage has negative effects on the couples, their children and the society at large. The study also revealed that couples who experienced broken marriage develop the feelings of rejection, sense of failure, guilty, depression and self-disapproval. In addition, the reality of today for single parents and children is that broken marriage often means a change in school, neighborhood and peer groups. Physical dislocation may ultimately have an influence on many aspects of the children‟s life, including academic performance, peer relations, psychological well-being and physical health. It is clear that any treatment of the issues surrounding broken marriage, custody and access is incomplete without an understanding of the dynamics of domestic violence. Failure to take these cases into consideration can only increase the emotional trauma of those involved or worse, increase their physical danger. A marital relationship can be strengthened through keeping certain standards such as love, establishing open communication channels and maintaining a close enjoyable physical contact. Other factors include sharing views on work and raising children as well as traits such as flexibility and realism that can help couples avoid broken marriage. Therefore, a healthy family enjoys a clear balance between cohesion and adaptability. Olson, 1989 cited in Al-Gharaibeh (2018) highlights eight characteristics of a cohesive family. These are:

Attraction;
Personal differences and distinction;
Support and encouragement;
Attachments;
A sense of psychological security;
Family bonding and connectedness;
Care for physical hygiene and appearance;
Positive affective involvement.

In conclusion, this study has contributed to the literature on perceived causes and effects of broken marriage in Nigeria. From the findings of the study, the following recommendations are made:

Support systems can help mitigate some of the negative effects associate with broken marriage. The support can be provided by parents, extended family members, peers and school management. E.g. school management should identify and provide children of broken marriaged with curriculum changes and additional facilities to help them cope with broken marriage.
Government and non-governmental organizations together should intensify efforts to ensure that all unhappily married spouses have access to pre and post marital counseling that is affordable across the length and breadth of the country. This will help prevent or ameliorate the negative consequences of marital separation.
Women are urged to strive to be economically independent. This will help women alleviate the negative economic consequences of broken marriage.
Young men are urged to have a source of livelihood before going into marriage.
Couples going through a marriage crisis are urged to seek help and counseling from social and family specialists, rather than from only relatives and friends, to resolve marital issues.
State and local government authorities should establish counseling centers as a form of social support to help women build effective coping skills and provide a supportive context which may reduce the sense of loneliness and isolation experienced by many broken marriaged adults.
University management across the country should introduce and offer the course „Family and Marriage Counseling‟ that will help youth to acquire requisite skills and habit culture for successful marital life. Healthy living and negative effects of broken marriage should be emphasized in the curriculum.
The Nigerian movie industry should intensify efforts by directing various drama series and programmers to present the concept of marriage realistically in terms of the challenges facing the family and how to deal with them.
There is urgent need in teaching multiple topics on family, marriage and disadvantages of broken marriage both at secondary and post-secondary schools in order to encourage people to establish effective relationships.
In the marital relationship the groom and the bride should learn to forgive each other, been patient enough and approached each other more gently and lovingly when reconciliation is required.
The Legislature or the Nigerian Law Review Commission should, as a matter of urgency, set legal machinery in motion for a review of the Matrimonial Causes Act with the objective of improving some of the relief initiated to meet with societal expectations and reality.
Further study is recommended for other researchers to establish the relationship between female education and marital stability.
Research on female employment and marital instability is also recommended.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Is lying Ruining Your Marriage?

Lying in your marriage is an inevitable discord waiting to happen. People in troubled marriages act as if lying within their marriage is unique and ends all trust, making the whole relationship a sham. Nobody wants to be lied to, but that does not mean we all don’t occasionally resort to telling a lie ourselves. All of us do.

Why do couples lie to each other?

Couples might lie to each other about the difficulties or problems they might be facing at work or in other social scenarios; such marriage problems burden a relationship. When things get out of hand, it can very much wreck a marriage.

What are the most common problems faced by married couples?

Most Common Marriage Problems Faced by Married Couples 1. Infidelity. Infidelity is one of the most common marriage problems in relationships. It includes cheating and having… 2. Sexual differences.

Can marriage counseling help a lying spouse?

Marriage counseling can help when lying is an issue, but even the best therapist cannot restore lost faith without the couple’s commitment to working through it.