Impact Of Running Separate Home By Married Couples On Wife And Children
The main involvement of the study was an investigation into the problems and prospect of running separate homes by married couples in Pankshing Local government area, plateaus state. Specifically, the study intends to find out the causes of running the home separately by married couples in Pankshing Local government area, plateaus state. The possible problems involved in running separately homes by married couples. The effects of running homes separate by married couples. The sample for the study were randomly selected to cover the fifteen (15) towns in Pankshing Local government area, plateaus state.
The data collected was through questionnaire. Frequency and mean were used to analyze the data. The finding revealed that some causes of running separate homes by married couples are: the nature of job/occupation, socio-economic reasons and some couples are more inclined to their jobs than living together. While problems associated with running separate homes by married couples are financial problems, communication gap and suspicion\ unfaithfulness. It was observed that inability to achieve cardinal objectives of marriage.
Unnecessary expenses and emotional intemperate are effects of running separate homes by married couples while woman especially are less busy, determination of married love strengthened and children reared under family that is run separately are hardworking and competent enough as its prospects. The following recommendation was drawn, couples should endeavor to keep family intact for judiciously use of money for development. Couple should bridge the gag of extra–marital relationship by avoiding extended assistance. Conclusively, running separate homes by married couples constitutes a lot of problems to married couples and thus, is not advisable or encouraging to couples.
1.1 Background to the Study
Family is the oldest human institution in many ways, it is the most basic unit. It is society’s most basic unit. The entire civilization have survived or disappeared depending on whether family life was strong or weak. Before the institution is established, there must be a union of a man and woman, this union is call marriage.
Mba (1980) stated that marriage is the state in which man and woman give themselves to each other in their life together and in procreation and training of offspring’s. The clear and certain knowledge of this institution is obtained only from the ideal of creation as revealed to the people of God in the Old Testament.
Thus, most of us grew up in a firm belief that marriage would it did for our parents, friends and parent tomorrow. Certainly, the moves on the television programmes, the books and magazines we read all had a way of convincing us that marriage would not only solve our problems but would last a life time. Thus, in our society, adult is counted as an active member of the society if he/she is married. In view of this, it is a drama in that everyone becomes an actor or actress and not just a spectator.
This day, things are changing because of rising tide of the powerful new interest in human, generated by the liberation movement, the life of woman alone, wisdom, divorce and separated are beginning to come in for a lot more attention and recognition today. Today, there are lots of books, articles, drama on the legal and emotional aspect of separation, on the changing status of the working couples, on the financial complexities of widowhood on the challenge of single parenthood and of the single woman’ s level of life. The basic separation of homes is like being faced with the pieces of a complicated jig saw puzzle, and asked to fit then together in a meaningful and satisfying way.
Before now, marriage in African context was being dominated by men folk. The duty of the woman was to cook, keep home and farm, movement for her was restricted. Men who travel to pass does that in groups or in company of leaders. While the man is away, another elder is in the family takes care and control of all the members of the family till the man returns from the journey. That is to say that woman then lives under the care, control and protection of men hence they live behind their husband’s huts.
The emergence of the civilization, education and modern life have lifted the status of the woman in the society, some are stronger than men in the family and in the all capacities expect the naturally endowed powers. Women today take to any job, more about to all part of the world jus as men do. They are neither being controlled nor fear that anything will hinder them. Some women today live better than the men. For many of us, the world outside marriage like looks blank and bewildering. How does families who had been living together feel when they are separated? How does woman cope with the kids? This research is not for the men who wonder how he will leave his family for sometimes to a distance place. This research work will also provide an encouragement and sound advice on attendant problems that emanate from living separately such as emotional and practical issues that faces a couple living apart, love and friendship work and money, daycare and decision making while a husband is away from home.
Arastrong (1974) observed that family man be separated if one is doing a stint in the armed services for example, he many have the kind of job that requires long absence. About of the illness makes it necessary for one to spend sometime in the reasons for a husband absence from home, a gap is created in the life of the family.
1.2 Statement of the Problem
Married couples are said to be people strongly united to live together with a cardinal objectives of security, feeding, companionship, education and procreation. These couples according to culture are meant to live together. These days some married couples run separate homes and thus running into problems, divorce, psychological problem flirting and alcoholism.
The above problems have spurred the write to research on the problems and prospects of running separate homes by married couples.
1.3 Purpose of the Study
The aim of this study is to examine the problems and prospects of running separate homes by married couples in Pankshing Local government area, plateaus state.
Specifically, this study intends to study the following objectives:-
- To find out cause of running the homes separated by married couples in Pankshing Local government area, plateaus state?
- To find out the possible problems involved in running separate homes by married couples in Pankshing Local government area, plateaus state?
- What are the effects of running homes separately by married couples on wives and children in Pankshing Local government area, plateaus state?
- To find out the likely prospects of running homes separately by married couples in Pankshing Local government area, plateaus state.
1.4 Significance of the Study
This study ‘will afford a unique opportunity for couples to have an in’ sight of what they are going to experience if they are + going to be involved in running separate homes.
It will strengthen the selection habit of life partner to maintain the validity of certificate.
The study will gear populace readers that there is no facts rule that couples should live together and thus should inculcate in them stereo-typing habit of work for effectiveness of their family.
The study will also certify women to the challenges of the society in the educational upbringing of the children bearing in mind that many elites of Nigeria are brought up by either single family or separate family.
1.5 Limitation of the Study
Some of the major constraints the researchers encountered in putting up this research include lack of time, lack of willingness to give information by respondent and also limited resources.
1.6 Definition of Terms
Is the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship. Married couples running separate home: is the termination of a marriage or marital union, the canceling or reorganizing of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage.
Summary, Conclusions and Recommendations
The section presents the summary of findings, conclusions and recommendations based on the results of the study.
5.1 Summary of the Findings
Married couples running separate home was mainly an outcome of issues associated with education, employment, extra marital affairs, young immature individuals getting married, external interference, conflicting opinions, financial instability, cultural issues, domestic violence, sexual abuse, infertility and barrenness, and irresponsibility associated with alcoholism. Couples with varied academic qualifications were likely to married couples running separate home due to coherent misunderstanding and as a result of feeling undermined in the marriage. Education and employment among women was associated with their independence and highly contributed to lack of submission to their husbands; and created insecurity among the husbands which resulted in married couples running separate home.
Highly demanding jobs reduced family time, created distrust and exposed couples to extra marital affairs that contributed to married couples running separate home. Extra marital affairs, reduced and poor communication led to the growth of distrust and mistrust that eventually contributed to married couples running separate home. Young immature individuals getting married, as a result of cultural demands, unexpected pregnancy and peer pressure brought together persons who were likely to poorly manage marital issues and eventually married couples running separate home. Married couples running separate home was also caused by misunderstanding and pursuit of available opportunities including education.
Biased and continued interference from in-laws and existence of family members that depend on one of the couples often resulted in married couples running separate home. Varied and conflicting opinions often worsened the relationship between couples and led to irreconcilable differences. Financial instability that affected the provision of basic needs and worsened lifestyle led to quarrels that eventually led to married couples running separate home. Culture that supported polygamy, early childhood marriages, male chauvinism and domestic violence highly contributed to the breakdown in marriages in most cases. Sexual abuse and rape led to disagreements that were associated with married couples running separate home. This results from the assumptions that men have exclusive rights over their wives’ sexuality and there is no room for negotiation or consenting all the times.
Barrenness, infertility and inability to bear male children led to married couples running separate home even in situations where women were blamed without medical evidence. Further, alcoholism and drug abuse resulted in neglected responsibilities. This also brought with it some degree of selfish interests to share and control the available family resources at the expense of the family welfare.
The major consequences of married couples running separate home included poverty and psychological problems. Married couples running separate home led to sharing of available family resources, expenses including changing school for children and employing care takers, and hard working conditions to sustain the family. As an outcome of married couples running separate home, children and especially the women were exposed to extra work, disconnect with family members, loneliness, stress and poverty that led to psychological suffering.
Timely communication and the mediation by spiritual leaders, friends or family members would help solve disagreements that could result in married couples running separate home. Counseling before marriage and in the event of misunderstanding would be a possible solution to married couples running separate home. Religion was considered to play a central role in solving marital issues that were likely to develop into married couples running separate home. Raising concerns on the well-being of children after married couples running separate home was key to slow down the chances of married couples running separate home. Bonding events created opportunities for couples to discuss out sources of conflict and mitigate the risk of married couples running separate home.
Marriage and subsequent married couples running separate home has become commonplace in Africa. Traditionally, Africa was known as the continent of the family and marriages were mostly based on go-betweens who arranged for a couple to meet and to know each other before marriage. With the advent of education and urbanization, young people today get married based on what they call ‘romantic love’ without getting to know each other deeply. This means that two people who have completely limited idea of each other get to discover their incompatibility while already in marriage. In addition, today men are challenged and most of them are unable to cope with a woman who is educated, has her own resources and is able to make independent decisions. Today’s woman is not confined to the private and domestic sphere but is also a player in the public sphere. This has led to some level of ‘challenged masculinity’ in which some men are unable to cope.
Society has led the campaign to empower the girl child but has not enabled the boy child to live in harmony with the empowered girl. This in essence creates pressure in most young marriages.
Solutions to the current misunderstanding lie at the heart of renewed socialization in which the boy child also becomes a major player. He must be taught on how to deal with his challenged masculine identity and be able to understand and appreciate the changing circumstances. Unless certain drastic measures are taken, the marriage institution and by extension the family as we know it today is threatened.
Through the study findings, it was affirmed that married couples running separate home is caused by a number of reasons. However, this can only be reduced if a number of factors are considered. These are:
- At times whether or not a marriage is facing its ups and downs, it is advisable to see a counselor this will help you to adjust what you might have overlooked at one point and know each other better. Through this, one can be able to learn their partner’s strength and build on it; and their weaknesses to help them become better in those areas. Attending marriage seminars and workshops once in a while can provide solutions to the marriages as people come from different walks of life with different ideas and get to share with each other. Consulting people who have been in marriage for a long time or the elders can be of help as they are more experienced than the young couples. They should also device their own ways of solving their conflict.
- Honesty is of essence in a marriage, be honest with your partner on how you truly feel about each other and consider your happiness. Couples should be open minded when discussing issues with their partners because this brings trust and respect among them.
- Learn to forgive and forget your partner’s shortcomings when they wrong you as marriage is first built on the foundation of love.
- Resocialization of the boy child to be able to understand and appreciate the changing circumstances in life. They should be educated to cope with educated and ambitious woman as times are changing and women are being empowered by theday.
- Whenever you make promises to your partner keep them, if you are unable to keep them then explain to them and make them understand why you were unable to keep your promises. Marriage is about commitment and sacrifice to God, partner and children, and keep communication channels open as this helps to solve a lot of issues in a relationship. Faithfulness and trust are a requirement for a lasting marriage.
- Marriage is not a bed of roses, so it is not always a smooth road as tough times are to be encountered along the way. The most important question to ask yourself is whether you are up to the task to cross the river when the time comes. Couples should try as much as possible to strive and stabilize their economic resources for sustainability by saving up, however little it is they should put some effort. Supporting each other in a marriage brings growth to the family. This should be in all aspects of life academically, socially, economically and physically. Spend your leisure time together, and remember the important dates in your partner’s lives.
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